Adaption Isn't Easy (Steve/Natasha)

[Steve Rogers]

The world had seemingly gone crazy for a few moments, but it appeared to all be over and done with now. Captain America sighed, as far as he could tell, at least no one had died during this attack, unlike the last one. After the agents all moved in and had him covered, Steve retrieved his weapon and called in orders. He couldn't help it. Deep down somewhere, Steven Rogers was a natural born leader. He fit the shield around his wrist again before speaking up to everyone.

Of course, that was after Deadpool finished.

"Avon calling? No? Have you heard the good news about Xenu, then?"

"Xenu?" Asked the Captain, obviously Steve was incredibly out of the loop in these kinds of deals, "Is that who you're working for? Who is Xenu?" To him, it sounded like there was another Loki incident about to happen. Troublesome, as Thor had yet to return from Asgard, which meant that they'd get no otherwordly knowledge when it came to this Xenu, if Xenu was of another world, it could always just be an odd name, Steve had encountered a slew of those lately.

"Answer me," Steve stated calmly, "Or I'll have to start letting the Black Widow ask the questions. She doesn't play by the same rule book as I do." That was about as threatening as Steve could get. Of course, he'd never let Natasha kill a prisoner. If that's what she'd planned on doing. He couldn't abide by that.

[Wade "Deadpool" Wilson]

Deadpool swung the door open, to discover a half-dozen SHIELD agents. "Uhm...." he said, giving a small wave. "Avon calling? No? Have you heard the good news about Xenu, then?"

They brought up their submachine guns.

"Shit. This is gonna be one of those jobs, isn't it.." He grinned under his mask. There were only six of them. He could handle six ordinary joes, particularly with them jammed into a single doorway like that. He began flexing his fingers, figuring who he'd shoot first, and then voices interrupted his plans.

"Xenu?" Asked the Captain, "Is that who you're working for? Who is Xenu?"

"Seriously?" answered Deadpool. "You're f*****g with me, right?" He gave the SHIELD agents a knowing look. "He's f*****g with me, right?"

"Answer me," Steve stated calmly, "Or I'll have to start letting the Black Widow ask the questions. She doesn't play by the same rule book as I do."

“For the record," a feminine voice with a faint Russian accent added from his right, "I can’t stand Ireland.”

I shouldn't say it.
I really shouldn't say it.
I'll get such a beating if I say it...
"Hang on, here," came Deadpool's response. "If I don't answer you, then you're gonna have the hot redhead tie me down and get all physical on me?" The grin under the mask became an exaggerated leer. "Hook me up, Cap."
I'm getting a beating....

His words hung in the air for a moment, and it was clear from the expressions on the SHIELD agent's faces that they couldn't believe what they'd heard.

whoooee ooEeeooEeeooEeeooEeooooo... Wade's mind sang, Wah wahwah...

He exploded sideways like a coiled spring, faster than any unaugmented human could have moved. Incorrectly picking who he believed to be the least dangerous person in the room, he grabbed the Widow's arm and swung her in front of him, twisting one arm up behind her back and putting her in a half-nelson with his right arm. "Fair's fair," he said, twisting to put her between the guns and his body, "now both the costumed badasses in the room have a shield..."

(OOC: Yeah, it's a little god-moding. In return, Natasha has full permission to seriously hurt Wade for assuming she's the least dangerous person in the room...)

[Natasha Romanoff]

* * *

Natasha was calm, not fighting the hold Deadpool had on her. Instead, she all but relaxed into it, letting her curves distract him.

“You’re right,” she purred, her natural trace of an accent drawn out until it could be called a drawl, “fair’s fair.”

Without warning, she bent her knees, dropping low as she turned slightly into his grasp. Those two inches were all she needed, and she nudged her shoulder into his chest, flipping him over the small frame of her body, only lamenting that it wasn’t more of a fall to the bare concrete of the corridor floor. Flexing the arm he’d wrenched behind her – strained, but not dislocated – she pulled her gun from her hip with the other hand, a fluid motion she’d practiced thousands of times during her career.

“Wait, both” A look of honest confusion flickered across her features. “As in…” Her head tilted ever so slightly in the Captain’s direction, not taking her eyes off Wade.

She aimed the barrel of her Glock not at his forehead, but at his nose, tilting a slight diagonal on a path up to his brain. She wanted something ragged, something that would hurt like a son of a bitch to reconstruct.

“Oh, лапушка.”

Her smile widened dangerously as she held him at gunpoint, green eyes glittering down the sights. For a moment, Tasha even thought about not pulling the trigger; it was futile, really, and probably petty. Then there was the mess to think about, and the coldness of it would probably upset Steve -- but she had no time to explain that it wasn’t exactly murder when the victim would just regenerate.

But then she thought about how much she hated Belfast.

The shot rang out, and she held her position unflinchingly, not even lowering her firearm.

* * *

((OOC: Oh, how I love permission XD))

[Steve Rogers]

"Hang on, here," came Deadpool's response. "If I don't answer you, then you're gonna have the hot redhead tie me down and get all physical on me?" The grin under the mask became an exaggerated leer. "Hook me up, Cap."

Steve looked horrified. Obviously that wasn't what he'd meant, and this guy was twisting his words, making him look like a fool. He gripped his shield hard, wanting to crack the vibranium over his skull. That would shut the guy up until he was ready to be properly interrogated.

And that's when everything went crazy for a minute.

Deadpool took the momentary distraction he'd caused and went to use Natasha as a shield. What was the matter with this guy? And why had Steve gotten so tense when he was clearly perv-ing on Natasha? Certainly it had to be because he was worried for his teammate's sanity and the prisoner's well being, she could certainly handle the situation physically, Suddenly, Cap felt very bad for the man, because in a matter of moments, he was on the ground, gun to his head.

"Good now that we've got him subdued-"

Steve shut up at the sound of a gunshot.

"Widow!" Steve growled, using her codename. It was rare that Steve spoke to anyone with their codename, unless he was serious, "Why did you kill the prisoner? We had him, there wasn't any reason to do that, especially now that we can't interrogate him." That had Steve bothered, but he shouted because he couldn't stand seeing his teammate kill so mercilessly. There hadn't been any reason for that, and it made them no better than the people that they worked against.

[Wade "Deadpool" Wilson]

"Fair's fair," Deadpool said, twisting to put the Black Widow between the guns and his body, "now both the costumed badasses in the room have a shield..."

The look on the exposed part of Captain America's face was priceless.

“You’re right,” the Black Widow purred, snuggling back against him is a very distracting way, “fair’s fair.”

Then, suddenly, he was flat on his back with the breath exploding from his lungs and a knee in his sternum and a pistol in his face. Wade crossed his eyes under his mask, thinking - not for the first time - that 9mm didn't seem like a little gun when you were staring down the barrel. He tried to say something flippant - maybe sing a chorus to "sit on my face (and tell me that you love me)" - but it came out as "aaagh... haaaaak... huuuuuuu".

Probably just as well. There was that gun to consider...

“Wait, both?” A look of honest confusion flickered across her features. “As in…” Her head tilted ever so slightly in the Captain’s direction, not taking her eyes off Wade.

Now the barrel was digging into his right nostril, and there was an unhappy sort of smile on her face. "So..." Deadpool managed to wheeze out, "that's... a no... on... Bel... fast.."

Her smile widened dangerously as she held him at gunpoint, green eyes glittering down the sights. “Oh, ëàïóøêà.”

"Good," Captain America said, "now that we've got him subdued-"

Later on, when he'd had a chance to regrow his face and his frontal lobes, he'd appreciate the artistry of that shot. But, just right now, he was busy with an instant of white hot searing pain and a sudden loss of cognitive brain functions.

"Widow!" Captain America growled, "Why did you kill the prisoner? We had him, there wasn't any reason to do that, especially now that we can't interrogate him."

Even as the Captain finished his statement, the bloodflow from Deadpool's face was slowing. Blindly, temporarily possessing only his reptilian hindbrain, he groped at the air. Encountering the Widow's knee on his chest, his hands began to make their way up along the inside of her thigh.

(OOC: Sorry about the long delay. I don't have any good excuses. And somebody may want to handcuff Wade, here.)

[Natasha Romanoff]

* * *

That should give her a few minutes at least.

Not bothering to engage the decocking lever on her Glock, the Black Widow shrugged, a fluid rolling of her shoulders that barely even rustled her hair. She had been put out of her way too much already today, she wasn’t going to make this any harder on herself with an explanation. He’d see soon enough.

His tone didn’t escape her notice, though, and she rationally filed it away for later. There was a time and place to berate her like a child, and this was neither. Slender fingers gripped her firearm just a bit tighter at the annoyance, and she made a noise of disgust in Wade’s direction, indicating the fact that he was moving again.

Moving predictably, actually.

Natasha rolled her eyes, her lips pursing as his fingers moved up her leg. In the name of redemption, she’d give him about 10 seconds to remove his hand, and she silently counted in her head. After all, he was still held at gunpoint. Surely he couldn’t be that stupid. 10… 9… 8…

By the time she reached 4, it was clear he was in it for the long haul, and as one hand holstered her gun, the other reached down, grabbing his hand and neatly breaking two fingers. Her other hand had traded the Glock for a pair of reinforced handcuffs, and she clipped them on without preamble or care.

“You just read the situation wrong,” she purred condescendingly. “It happens to all of us.”

With a sharp nod to the SHIELD agents, she fell easily back into gear.

“Half of you with me to escort him to the holding cell on R deck, the other half of you run up to E deck to deal with injuries.” She punched the comm on the wall. “Infirmary, expect incoming, repeat infirmary, incoming.”

* * *

(( OOC: I don’t mind the delay. Really. I’m all over the place right now, too. ))

[Steve Rogers]

The Captain couldn't believe it. The man had survived being shot in the head like that. He'd seen something like that before, once during the war. Cap and the Invaders knocked over a concentration camp, expecting a HYDRA base, but discovering something far worse. He and Jimmy Howlett had parachuted in while the rest of the team broke in from the front gate. All united, they slammed the less-than-prepared Nazis from both ends and freed the camp.

However, during the process, Cap could have sworn he'd seen Jimmy take a bullet to the side of his head. Later on after the battle, the man was unscathed. Jimmy had completely healed from what should have been a fatal head wound.

It was the same scenario here, he was just seeing it up close.

Of course, this man wasn't half the man Jimmy had been. With a bullet in his head, he still tried to grope Agent Romanoff, absolutely disgusting.

Steve looked to one of the agents and said, "Cuff him before you take him. I don't want him getting loose once he's recovered. We need to find out what he was after and who paid him to do it." Quite frankly, Steve didn't suspect that this guy was going to break onto the SHIELD flagship without some kind of motivation, probably of the monetary sort.

[Wade "Deadpool" Wilson]

Interrogation Room 17
SHIELD Helicarier
Fifteen minutes later...

He had the worst headache ever. And, from the feel of things, he was handcuffed to a chair.

"God," he groaned, "what was I drinking last night?"

"A bottle of Mad Dog," growled a voice. "With a whole lotta stupid as a chaser."

Wade considered that voice. It sounded familiar, somehow. "Let's be optimistic here, Wade," he thought out loud. "You're gonna open your eyes, and you're gonna find out you're hung over in the Widow's sex dungeon."

He cracked open an eye, twisting his face in agony as light stabbed him in the face. Behind the light, a shadowy figure leaned close.

"You're not the Widow..." he complained, wincing.

"No. I'm not," agreed Nick Fury. "But after that 'sex dungeon' line, maybe I should let her come in here. Beat some of the stupid out of you."

Wade grinned, then winced as the grin painfully stretched head wounds that weren't quite fully healed yet. "You always hurt the one you love," he begain to warble, on and off key, "The one you shouldn't hurt at all..."

Nick began to massage the bridge of his nose. This was going to take a while.